sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Redneck Realities

No meal is real unless it includes a possum. And since you clicked here, I'm going to give you a delicious possum recipe. The first thing you should do is to catch a possum, kill the possum and throw it into a land fill and then start over with chicken. But I'm presuming that you all don't have a chicken.


Ingredients:
1 young, fat possum
8 sweet potatoes
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon sugar
salt

Skin the possum and remove the head and feet. Gut your fat young possum. Be sure to wash it thoroughly. Possum is tough, so you need to marinate it in wine. You can use the good Costco box wine if you have the means to afford it, but any wine with a screw top will work. Boones farm or Ripple are ideal choices. The possum should soak in the wine for at least eight hours. Do not drink the marinade after as it won't taste precisely like 'wine'. You're better off drinking vanilla or sterno.

Stew the possum until it's tender in a tightly covered crock pot with a little water. If you can't afford a crock pot, any pan with a lid will do.

Peel the potatoes and boil them until tender in lightly salted water along with the butter and sugar. As your possum continues to cook, arrange the taters around the possum, strip with bacon, sprinkle with thyme or marjoram, or pepper, and brown in the oven. Baste often with the drippings. 


A friend of mine just bought an expensive shower head (made in China) from a county fair. (you know who you are - and your brother would be on my side with this solution) This shower head didn't cost anything. You can pluck something like this (below) from other people's trash and employ it for an enjoyable shower without expending a nickel.

The Mother of invention.
Made famous by "The King" (Elvis), but eaten by gourmets everywhere.

Banana and peanut butter sandwich. The next step
would be to stick a toothpick through it, drop it
into the deep fryer & cook until crispy. 
No diaper required for a baby at a redneck picnic
A blending of two popular food groups.
Cooking
Ready to eat

It's not fancy, but you must admit that it works.



17 comments:

  1. I've eaten a Possum before. I'd do it again if I had too... but can't say that I would look forward too it. They are very fatty for a small critter, which could be useful in hard times.

    That hotdog and spaghetti trick is pretty funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not advocating eating possum. In hard times they're easy to catch and they're protein, as you suggest.

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  2. I hope your friend got the message about the shower head.

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  3. You know class when you see it.

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    Replies
    1. There is a certain panache to all of this.

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  4. I had a showdown with a possum once. Fortunately for me, I had a hammer and he didn't. If I had known about this recipe then, I'da et good for a day or two!

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    Replies
    1. Left-over possum tastes very much like freshly cooked possum. Eventually it will turn if you leave it long enough --- but you can't tell by the taste.

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  5. I can't eat a possum, it looks too cute and I'd feel bad. Chickens are ugly so I'll go with the chicken.
    HA! at the shower! Ingenious. That's what you call up-cyling :)
    And the spaghetti and hot dogs... just...well, what can I say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rednecks find a way to make things happen -- and sometimes they wonder what happened.

      Delete
  6. Never thought I would see the day You went all Martha Stewart at Home on us! ...Dammit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just because I'm advocating not eating a possum or threading spaghetti through hot dogs? This is an educational blog.

      Delete
    2. Dang straight it's educational, that smoke alarm of Old NFO's is pure genius.

      Delete
  7. LOL, having 'tasted' possum, you're dead right, throw that sucker away and get a chicken, or a rattlesnake, or something else! The rest are funny as hell too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can take your redneck fire alarm with you when you travel. You never know, it might save your life --- or provide you a snack while you're watching a movie with subtitles.

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  8. Can you imagine how really proud I am of you right now, grasshopper?

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    Replies
    1. You are the grand master, Odie. I bask in the glow of your wisdom.

      Delete

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