sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Practical Approaches to Zombie Problems

1. Zombie-power

Combined with other measures, this is one solution to your zombie issues. Recognize that these are treadmills, stationed about the house. 

In a post-apocalyptic situation, the zombie-powered treadmills may be used to generate electricity. "Let the walkers walk" is the concept here and it makes perfect sense.

2. Remember the Rules

Yes there are rules
  • Don't use the elevator in a zombie infested building.
  • Don't leave machetes and baseball bats around where zombies might find them.
  • I don't care if she used to be your girlfriend, or if he was your best friend, if they're bitten or killed by zombies, the only way you'll see them again is as zombies, save yourself the pain, and put a slug in their head now. 
  • The best refuge is a Costco that is located next to a Cabellas or Bass Pro Shop. You can live on the bounty of the Costco once you've cleared the place of zombies and raid the archery, firearms and ammunition supply at Cabellas or Bass Pro. 
  • Only allow attractive women to find refuge with you in 'your' Costco. You will need to rebuild the human race and you don't want ugly kids growing up to be ugly adults. Sacrifice is called for here. With food in short supply, you will need to abandon the traditional 1:1 ratio of men to women if you plan to repopulate the planet with non-zombies. Men should experiment here with a 1:2+ ratio to find the ideal balance.

3. Don't be a Hater

Zombies used to be your friends, neighbors and even your own family.  

The exception would of course be found if a high school aged normal girl ran onto a zombie who used to be a cheerleader who stole her boyfriend. Then it's ok to hate. It goes for ex-spouses or annoying in-laws as well.

Ok, there are other circumstances. If your former boss is a zombie and he/she wasn't fair with you, it's ok to hate.

Politicians turned zombie (Nancy Pelosi comes to mind) are free game for hatred.

It's fine to revenge yourself against current zombies who used to tick you off on a regular basis before the apocalypse. But the normal zombies have to be treated like every other zombie - bullet or arrow to the head, or use a machete to simply decapitate without prejudice, fear or favor.

4. Appropriate Pre-apocalyptic Behavior

While it's perfectly normal and even advisable to stock up on Zombie tools now, it's not "progressive" and if you do it in places like New York, Connecticut or California, you shouldn't advertise it.  Remember the first rule of "fight club"? - You don't talk about fight club.

So-called progressives are humans in the process of transforming into zombies, so you won't have to worry about them for long. Soon, they'll be walking around your house on treadmills, keeping your lights on. It's fair play and payback for all of the money they drained from you in the name of social programs.

When you see Michael Moore, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz or Hanoi Jane Fonda pontificating on the television, simply smile in the sure knowledge that they've joined the ranks of the un-dead but simply don't know it yet.

Is it time to END Affirmative Action?

The American People elected Barack Hussein Obama to two terms as President of the United States. His race is half negro and half white, but he identifies publicly as being a black man. Thus we count him as the first black president. The content of his character doesn't matter for the purpose of this discussion. Only his skin pigment.

The US Supreme Court is poised to rule on affirmative action and racial discrimination. I personally feel that the society is sufficiently color blind as to no longer require beneficial quotas for people based on their skin pigment or lack of same. The court will consider two cases. A Texas case involves a white student who was denied admission to the University of Texas because of her race. She was qualified in every academic sense and based on every other measurable criteria. She simply had the misfortune not to be a negro. 
(Fox News) The dispute over affirmative action in Michigan has its roots in the 2003 Supreme Court decision that upheld the use of race as a factor in university admissions. That case concerned the University of Michigan law school. 
In response to the court's 5-4 decision in that case, affirmative action opponents worked to put a ballot measure in front of voters to amend the state constitution to outlaw preferential treatment on the basis of race and other factors in education, as well as government hiring and contracting. In November 2006, 58 percent of Michigan voters approved the measure.
Should the law of the land continue to require preferential treatment based on placing one race over another? Or should the law be colorblind?

What do you think?