sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Drifting Around the Inter(Sermo)nette

Sunday Sermonette - This is the sermonette for those of you who have decided to surf the web rather than go to a conventional service. Naturally if you're hanging out on the Internet and are here rather than cruising porn or Rule 5's, you have potential to find your way from the path of sin that you've chosen by not going to church.
And it's a rocky transition from that paragraph to the next one...
Witches these days claim that they are part of a bonafide religion. I suspect that the claim finds its roots in the tax-free status that religions enjoy in the US. Hollywood (populated by witches, warlocks and the soulless) supports the need of witchcraft to be recognized.

Ok, but how does one go about becoming a witch - a necessity if you're an actor or are working in the movie industry. If you're dyslexic, you could end up selling your soul to Santa by mistake - and then where will you be? Sitting in large chairs in shopping malls while little kids urinate and barf in your lap, shoveling reindeer poo, and living at the North Pole...with your promising acting career and your waistline ruined by the endless supply of hot chocolate and cookies.

Witchcraft Training Course

So you want to be a witch? Many people have wanted the same thing and you usually get what's coming to you in life. I'm not talking about the outfit that you wear on Halloween to scare little children and then send the scorned clothing away in the trash to become landfill when you've had enough of playing witch.

There's a DVD course available at the link cited above. Is the witch training school a scam? What do you think? I only wish that I'd come up with the idea first -- think of all of those suckers. 
If I turn into a toad, I may have been wrong about them.
I met a real witch once. She was not the least bit attractive but tried to lure me to a solstice celebration with the promise that she and other overweight crones (mutton dressed up like lamb before they shed their sacred robes) would be dancing naked under the moon. I passed on her offer of witchlike passion. 

Timeless Wisdom (from Woodsterman)

This disturbed me. All this time I thought that cat milk CAME FROM CATS.
When you milk a cat, what do you call it? I have no clue, now. What do cat
ranchers call the products that they produce in cat dairies?
Delicious Sunday Meal

Federal wildlife officials have granted protection to the Gunnison sage grouse, a move that could bring restrictions on oil and gas drilling and other land uses to preserve the bird's habitat in Colorado and Utah. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said Wednesday the bird is a threatened species under the Endangered Species Act.

What federal officials failed to mention is that Gunnison sage grouse are good eating. Roasted, microwaved, fricasseed, BBQ'd, stuffed, parboiled, or shredded and put into tortillas as taco filling are all fitting ends to sage grouse.  Though now, I suspect that it's a crime to eat them, unless they are technically road kill.
Solution: A shot pattern, downed bird and transportation to a road where you find them might solve that problem...just kidding. No, seriously.
The undisputed King of Denial

It harkens back to that famous movie, The Lie'n King.





16 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. If the size 13.5 wingtip fits, Barack should wear it.

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  2. There's never a witch around when you ned one.

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    1. And there are always witches around when you don't want them. Remember Elizabeth Nguyen, famous IRS Agent and witch?

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  3. Love the last one!!! And you gotta have at least TWO grouse to make a good meal!!! :-)

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    1. There is a benefit of scale to grouse. The more the better. However that's not quite what the Federal Govt. has in mind.

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  4. Being 6'4" and 230 lbs, I would think it would be very difficult for me to get low enough (or a stool short enough) for me to milk a cat... if you could get her to stand still long enough. But I gar-on-tee she would be purring long time it I could accomplish the previous listed 'can'ts'.

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    1. If anybody could figure out how to make a cat ranch pay, it would be you, John.

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  5. more like a high mass with much grouse'n....

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  6. Witches, what a crew. You'll find a lot in the Episcopal Church and of course in Austin and San Francisco. They've pretty much ruined those two cities. Hillary's a witch, of course.

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    1. Many women and men who aspire to wealth and power sell their souls to do so. Which is why we're in the middle of this mess.

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  7. I'm a natural witch, no training required, just genetics. I'd happily sell my soul to Santa because then i MIGHT get a macbook pro. Ah sod it, I shall go and buy my own this very week. I'm surprised at you Larry, passing up the offer to dance naked with flabby spinsters with a penchant for group orgies.
    They REALLY have to warn people that cat milk is not from cats? HA!

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    1. A natural witch? With bottles of wine magically appearing table side, I should think so.

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  8. Yeah! Jesus has nothing on me!

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    1. And look at you, willing to sell your soul to Santa...all for a Macbook Pro.

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It's virtual - it's a mirage - it's life