sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Happy Festivus

Solstice is over and the witches have gone home to recuperate. They won't be around for Festivus because they are usually blind for three days with a combination of alcohol poisoning and LSD flashbacks.

Hannukah is still going on...eight days of cheesy presents.

The December 23rd Festivus holiday celebration includes a Festivus dinner (usually spaghetti), an unadorned aluminum Festivus (stripper) pole, practices such as the airing of grievances and demonstrations of feats of strength. The presence of the stripper pole suggests that one could celebrate Festivus at a local 'lounge'. 

If co-workers see you celebrating Festivus, they will think that you stripped your gears (again). 

Airing of grievances is an important part of all Festivus celebrations, but it's better if you don't do it in front of your loved ones or your boss. Better that you drink a few shots of your favorite and simply slam your friends (who you have dirt on...).

The last and most important part of the celebration of Festivus includes labeling easily explainable events as Festivus miracles. You may wish to cite your Festivus miracles below in the comments section.

I have heard negroes who celebrate Kwanzaa call Festivus a fake holiday. An elementary school principal in town told me the same thing. When you consider that Festivus is just about as old as Kwanzaa, I prefer to give both the same weight. If school kids are forced to celebrate Kwanzaa in elementary school, they should also be forced to celebrate Festivus and eat their fill of spaghetti and meatballs. I told that to the chubby, butchy, lesbian principal and was asked to leave the school assembly -- but it was over anyway.


Some of you may wish to know how I plan to celebrate Festivus. I will take an unconventional approach this year and have lunch (Mexican food) with a buddy of mine who is working in downtown Santa Ana, CA at the Orange County District Attorney's Office. We could have planned Italian food, but it's Santa Ana - a city that is 85% Mexican. When in Mexico, do as the Mexicans, I always say (Feliz Navidad). I don't think that there will be feats of strength, but we will air grievances as we usually do as we solve the problems of the world over a couple tacos, a little beans, rice and a diet coke.

Even though this is not an "official" sermonette, the discussion of celebrating a holiday may qualify as one. Or maybe not.  We eat the same food at the same restaurant just about once a month whether it's Festivus or not.

I haven't made plans to celebrate Kwanzaa yet, but I'll let you know what sort of commemoration I have planned when I plan it. I looked for watermelons in the market because I was thinking of going to the desert and shooting them up. Alas, they are not available this time of year. Pumpkins just won't do. Are markets deliberately withholding watermelon? Are the markets racist, denying holiday Kwanzaa food to people who want to observe it? Somebody call Sharpton & Jackson. 

I may riot. I could use a new TV to watch the Bowl Games on.

International Brinksmanship

Let's set the stage:

The Saudis by themselves set the price of oil not because they have the largest reserves (which they don't) but because they have the largest production capacity. They don't like the US all that much but are operating under the concept that the enemy of my enemy is my friend. 

Thus, they are squeezing America's adversaries in Russia and Iran by pumping and refining as part of the game of international brinksmanship now underway. If they pump, the US will protect them from ISIL and will ultimately intervene in Iraq to counter that threat. A us presence back in Iraq provides a hedge against Iranian Ambition.

Enter China. China isn't an American enemy. They are simply China and want to rule Asia, as they believe is their right as celestials. If you know a lot of Chinese people on the mainland, you'll get where I'm coming from. 

China created the Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank to trump Japan's involvement with the Asian Development Bank. Their $24 billion currency swap program to help Russia is also a sign of things to come.

Chinese President Xi Jinping's government doesn't care about upgrading economies, the health of tax regimes or central bank reserves. It cares about loyalty. The quid pro quo: For our generous assistance we expect your full support on everything from Taiwan to territorial disputes to deadening the West’s pesky focus on human rights.

The Federal Reserve’s inevitable tapering will hurt the Pacific rim economies and they will go to China for help. All China wants in return is their loyalty. So long as the US is COMPLETELY dependent on China for consumer goods (think Walmart, Target, Home Depot, Lowes, etc.), the Chinese can play the game without too much US interference.