sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Monday, April 6, 2015

The Transition to an Academic Life

My "day job" requires that I interact with academic types, who are annoying. This blog post outlines my transition from lean, mean fighting machine (and sexual tyrannosaurus) into a meek, slack jaw'd,  business person. Some of you who read this blog have law enforcement experience. Some have military experience. And, some such as WoFat and I have done both as well as dabbling in the dark arts.

The Past

Cops, soldiers and spies hunt the evil that academics pretend does not exist. The progressive intelligencia's agenda's hallmark is that there is no difference between good and evil. People who work in the dark know that there are monsters out there and they need to be eliminated efficiently before they can cause harm. Private citizens look like "happy idiots" much of the time to cops, soldiers and spies because they drift through their lives without every having taken out a single monster with extreme prejudice.

Soldiers have the opportunity to use slogans that are considered bad form when used by the police, such as, "If you kill enough of them, they stop fighting." Some used to cut both ways but don't today, such as, "If there is a choice between cowardice and violence, I advise violence." Police today are supposed to abjure violence in a violent world...hahaha. That will never work.

Both professions teach that you must master your fear, because fear is a choice.  Mastering fear requires confidence that is manifest by good decision making during moments of exceptional stress. Mastering fear demands that you understand that nobody and nothing owes you anything. At the point of contact, it is all up to you. 

When you are a merchant, it's rarely that critical. When you work with academics, if it doesn't get done this year, you can put it off to next year. A bee sting is an excuse to take a day off work.

Becoming a Civilian

Today, I am a civilian. It hurts to admit it, but I am. Ok, I do still keep my fingers in with this and that from the old days, but my day job is to be a civilian merchant. 

Soldiers (in following orders) and cops in doing what cops do, make split second decisions that have far-reaching implications -- but they make decisions. Academia breeds people who are UNABLE to make a decision to save their souls. Unless it involves the worst kind of cheap fast food - they can decide to eat that stuff with remarkable speed.

A few observations:

I work with academics who've spent the bulk of their lives at Cal Tech. If you've seen Big Bang Theory, you're right there in the ballpark.

Academics whine. A lot. When you tell them that whining doesn't help because nobody cares, they are offended. If you tell them to embrace hatred and violence as a lifestyle, they are more offended than when you point out that they are whining.

Academics don't listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd. Not ever. If you play Skynyrd, they will leave. They feel the same way about Johnny Cash. I have Skynyrd and Cash playing on a loop.

Academics believe in global warming because it's trendy. They believed in global cooling when it was trendy. They don't realize that they are being used as stooges by their iconic progressive liberal leaders in a scam to tax the weather.

If you look sternly at academics and say, "Ask not for whom the bell tolls" - they barf in the trash can because of the menace and threat. While it's entertaining the first few times, you learn that they never get over it and that it works every time.

Academics are offended if you point out; that they shouldn't be upset by the results that they didn't get with the work that they didn't do. It should make perfect sense to them, but it doesn't. Post doctoral fellowship types are even more confused by that statement than fifth graders would be.

Academics are mystified that anyone would run TOWARD gunfire. If put in that position, they can be counted on to run from it.

Academics feel that Hillary Clinton would make a good president ONLY because she is a female. They thought that Obama would make a good president ONLY because he was a mulatto. They support programs that redistribute OTHER PEOPLE'S wealth. They feel that because they are academics, they should be able to keep 100% of their income, tax free. (that's called being 'progressive').

When you work with academics, you need to bone up on Star Trek and Star Wars episodes because most of their metaphors come from one or the other. They all took a sick day when Leonard Nimoy passed away. The place was a ghost town. On the flip side, if you quote something from Star Trek they take it on face value as being valid...which can be a source of constant amusement.

Academics are bothered when you field strip your Kimber .45 semi-automatic handgun and clean it while engaging them in a conversation. They are even more bothered when you holster it, cocked and locked, at the conclusion of the cleaning. They are also bothered when you sharpen a knife or an axe on your wet stone while speaking with them. Assuring them that blades which are not razor sharp are useless does not make them feel any degree of comfort.

Academics are insulted when you have a specially embroidered "crying towel" made and you toss it them when they approach you with a complaint.

Academics don't understand your actions when they want to tattle (endlessly) on other academics and you bring out one of those plastic mice you get at a pet store and chop it to pieces with a (sharp) tomahawk while explaining that NOBODY likes a rat.

Senior academicians do enjoy it when one of the subordinates screws up and I make them do push ups ("push the ground until I get tired") and flutter kicks to reinforce that what they did was DUMB.

And the most mystifying part of it is that I've tried to quit a number of times and the academics all insist that I hang around and draw money from the company.



30 comments:

  1. "Academics whine. A lot. When you tell them that whining doesn't help because nobody cares, they are offended. If you tell them to embrace hatred and violence as a lifestyle, they are more offended than when you point out that they are whining." Tru Dat! LL, I am returning to the classroom this Fall. God Bless!
    Pat Hickey, Chicago

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  2. The last line says it all LL. You back in the left coast?

    I have had the good fortune to work with a specific academic for the last ten years. He is an associate professor at SUNY Albany and started his own public safety research institute named after a good friend of his, Lt. John Finn of the Albany PD, who was killed in the line of duty in 2003.

    http://forums.officer.com/t20435/

    He is a truth seeker and cannot stand the political correct atmosphere he must navigate at times. But it's like as the fairy tale specifies, sometimes ya gotta kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm here on the Left Coast for Easter. Now I have to plot out the rest of the month...take a walk-about, etc. There is a clash of cultures between me and the typical academic types. That's the essence of it.

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  3. I like 'The Big Ban Theory.' A lot. I have also watched every episode of Star Trek, all the Star Trek movies, all of the Star Wars stuff, and speak passing Klingon (no I don't, but since I was on a roll....).

    Having confessed all of that, I could probably hang with your Cal Tech buddies, and would love to watch their faces as I cleaned my .357 Magnum during a spirited conversation about who was cooler, Captain Kirk or Captain Picard. Captain Kirk certainly snagged more babes, alien and otherwise. Then maybe practice my fast draw a bit, just to pour it on a smidge.

    Johnny Cash and Lynyrd Skynyrd are just OK with me, but I could listen to your endless loop if it meant that it was driving a Cal Tech pinko nuts. Maybe even pull out the ol' Bic lighter and chant 'Free Bird, Free Bird....'

    But I simply could not hang out with liberals for 8 hours a day (or 6 hours a day, I understand liberals don't have much stamina). We do need, however, one of us in their midst to keep the rest of us posted as to their hare brained schemes and plans to foist their numb-nutted redistribution scams on us all.

    Go get 'em, LL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that you'd be a big hit with them if you could speak Klingon. They'd like it better if you simply wore a Klingon costume and sharpened your batlif.

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    2. If I donned my Klingon suit, most of my friends would think I was a major league Puh-TOCK' (you gotta gargle a little when you say it, it adds a Klingon accent). The Cal Tech weenies would grovel and scrape obsequiously before my feet.

      I dabble in Klingon at best. Fluent? Nope.

      Delete
    3. Do you eat Ptah? (a favored Klingon meal, I'm told)

      Delete
  4. Academics are insulted when you have a specially embroidered "crying towel" made and you toss it them when they approach you with a complaint.

    Wish I had thought of that when I was running car lots. My feeble line was, "You want some cheese with that whine".

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    Replies
    1. The crying towel underscores the need to "grow a set".

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  5. Many academics feel that things ARE the way they WANT them to be. Some discover great pain. At them I laugh.

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    Replies
    1. I laugh too.

      Some learn. Many never do and they just keep on attending Comicon.

      Delete
  6. I just picture Leonard and Sheldon in their apartment. While Leonard rolls his eyes, Sheldon is insisting you not sharpen you tomahawk in his seat.

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    Replies
    1. ha! I would QUITE like an episode with LL thrown in the mix.

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    2. A guest appearance? Yes, it could be arranged.

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  7. There are academics who like shooting and riding AND hate progleft libs. I know this because I've met them, in Texas.

    I think they all go to Baylor.

    And I like the rat/axe strategy. I might adopt that.

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    Replies
    1. Just got back from a visit to the Baylor campus, Reverend. They pipe in spiritual music into the bookstore. And the religion book rack takes up half the floor space. Didn't see many books about shootin' and ridin'. The Baylor Bears certainly cling to their religion. And, since they are in Waco, a goodly number of them cling to their guns, too. My kind o' folk, if you ask me.

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    2. Some of the "profs" started going to one of my churches -- very good people. And horsemen, too.

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    3. The axe and rat puts people on notice that tattling is not smiled upon. You can gather up the shards of plastic and hand them to the person to keep...

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    4. LSP/Fredd, I am sure that there are academics who ride and shoot in Texas. None of them teach at Cal Tech...which is the core problem.

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    5. Are there academics in California that aren't progleft shills? I haven't heard of any.

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    6. Even the academics that I like are shills for the progressive left, so, no, I don't think so. If they're not, they need to come on this blog and out themselves as being an exception to the rule. With adequate exorcism power, it would drive the demons out of them and they should be OK after that. Come to California when you're done with your class.

      Delete
  8. "Academics are insulted when you have a specially embroidered "crying towel" made and you toss it them when they approach you with a complaint.

    Academics don't understand your actions when they want to tattle (endlessly) on other academics and you bring out one of those plastic mice you get at a pet store and chop it to pieces with a (sharp) tomahawk while explaining that NOBODY likes a rat."

    These are hilarious.

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    Replies
    1. Funny -- in non academic circles.

      Effective? Yes, I think so. The proof of the pudding is always in the eating.

      Delete
  9. "Academic Politics Are So Vicious Because the Stakes Are So Small" - Henry Kissinger.

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    Replies
    1. Spoken by HK, who is one who understands that game.

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  10. You're the SOLE sanity in the whole mess...

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    Replies
    1. Nobody has ever accused me of being sane before. I don't know whether to agree with you or not. However, I KNOW that you understand clearly what I'm ranting about.

      Delete
  11. Your observations are brilliant!
    "if you quote something from Star Trek they take it on face value as being valid...which can be a source of constant amusement." - Oh I can just imagine- hilarious. And cleaning your gun mid banal conversation. I do like you style, Larry. People like you need to stay amongst the academics to keep them on their toes.

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    Replies
    1. It is not a good fit for me. Amusing at times, but intensely frustrating.

      Delete

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