sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Monday, March 9, 2015

Planning a Midlife Crisis

I'm trying to decide what's left to do for the midlife crisis. Based on the experts, men are allowed to have a crisis from 40-60 and I need to fulfill their expectations before the clock runs out.

I have decided to turn to you, the blogging public, to flesh out the list of things that I should do and things that I should pass on doing. --And what is the difference between a mid-life crisis list and a bucket list? They look suspiciously similar.

Going down the list of things that I need to accomplish, I've found that so far-so good. Hot blonde girlfriend, sports car, vacations in exotic locations, interesting career path, etc. CHECK - been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. But is that all there is to it? I haven't dyed my hair jet black or done anything absurd in that regard -- is that all there is left?

I'll run down the check list of things that I haven't done and am unlikely to do. But if I don't do them, will it indicate an unsuccessful midlife crisis? I'm very competitive and don't like the idea of 'losing'. The still to do list is short but I trust you'll help me stretch it out at least until I hit 60.

Haven't done:
  • Tattoo (I've never found some picture that I want etched on my hide for all time)
  • Bungee jump (I've jumped out of so many perfectly good airplanes and helicopters that it seems anti-climactic)
  • Buy out a vitamin store (To try and live longer -- uh, no)
  • Shag a sheep - no interest there, or to hook up with Hillary Clinton, which is substantively the same thing.
Still to do:
  • Motorcycle. I was going to get another Yamaha V-Max but I'm moving hard in the direction of the Ducati Diavel. I've been riding bikes all my life so it doesn't so much qualify as adding to the crisis as just buying another bike.
  • Climb Mt. Everest. Ok, though it's on the list, I don't think that I'll get around to actually doing it. First off, I have no real draw to Nepal. I may settle on the Jungfrau or Eiger since I prefer Switzerland... And truth be told, I may just sit in a hot tub in a chalet, with a beverage in hand, a pretty woman sitting next to me and watch others climb the Eiger. Is my age telling on me?