sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Sunday Sermonette

First, the fine print.

Disclaimer: "Sunday Sermonette" is a polemic on faith-based issues. It's occasionally commented on by the Lonestar Parson, unofficial chaplain of Virtual Mirage. If you disagree with anything presented here, nobody cares. Nobody.

Islamic Progressiveness

The new Sharia Barbie comes in two varieties. Un-mutilated genitalia for you to mutilate whenever you're ready or mutilated  genitalia for those who are two lazy to do it themselves. 

Keeping your women wearing 7th Century attire is impossibly progressive. Covering their faces hides the bruises and scars that are derived from Qur'anically correct discipline.

You can buy the new hijab Barbie on-line. There are a line of new Barbie doll styles including fat Barbie and flat-chest Barbie - with politically correct diverse ethnicities.  There is no Kardashian Barbie with a massive butt, but I'm sure that's in the works.

I haven't heard much of the new bald, black, beer-belly, gay/metro/gender flexible Ken doll making its appearance to accompany trailer trash Barbie and her menagerie of nine children, each fathered by a male of different ethnicity.

Can you buy your Sharia Barbie with your food stamps/EBT card? If not, why not? Call your Democrat representative in Congress and complain.

The Witches Continue the Witch Hunt

Marriage?

I'm suggesting that Mr Colon Kaepernick marry Ms Bruce Jenner. What could possibly be more progressive than that? The man of the year married to the woman of the year both are celebrated athletes -- it is written in the stars. 

Ok, there are a couple of things that would make it more progressive: They both need to become Muslims, which would mean Bruce would have to wear a burka. The blended marriage would be a big hit reality show on Bravo. Both would become even richer.

Electoral College

All the states in blue have a smaller population than Los Angeles County. Remember this next time someone says we don't need the electoral college.




25 comments:

  1. What comes with the trailer trash Barbie, besides beer belly Ken?

    I would like a nice double-wide, and a 1974 Town & Country station wagon to put up on cinder blocks beside the hacienda.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There needs to be an old sofa with the stuffing coming out of it under a rusted awning in front of the double-wide. Maybe a still in a cheap Home Depot shed out behind?

      Delete
    2. Ooooh, that beat up sofa is a nice touch, LL. Maybe you missed your calling in redneck-design. Big money there, if you put your nose to the grindstone.

      Delete
    3. You also need a few inbred pit bulls chained in the yard, and as you'd expect, trailer trash Barbie has every bit as many teeth as a jack-o-lantern.

      Delete
    4. Q: what is the finest compliment you could ever give trailer trash Barbie?
      A: "Say, Barbie, nice tooth."

      Delete
  2. And of those seven states with populations larger than LA County, three(CA, IL, NY) are solidly Democratic. PA, FL, and OH can go either way. Texas, while Republican now, has a large, and growing (D) population. I believe that's 209 electoral votes, nearly half of what's needed to elect an Elizabeth Warren. If Texas ever tips, we're doomed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The plan was to flood Texas with illegal immigrants who would all vote Democrat. That may have been temporarily forestalled. But you're right. It doesn't look rosy.

      Delete
  3. " If you disagree with anything presented here, nobody cares. Nobody."

    You mean person! Need to find a safe place now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It only works if you're wearing a onesie and drinking hot cocoa with mini-marshmallows.

      Delete
  4. I've always thought the Barbie doll was ugly. Glad I was just past my doll days when it hit the market.

    I think Drudge should change his daily headline to whomever is not accused of sexual assault. It would be much easier.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Alihu Ackbar you heathens!

    The Sharia Barbie should have the burqua molded as part of the doll so no one can remove it

    Salim Alikum

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Technically, you have to pull off the tent to mutilate Sharia Barbie, unless you are too lazy to do it yourself and buy a pre-mutilated doll.

      Delete
  6. What, no Barbie Jenner? Think about it, there would be more to mutilate.

    That map is a scary thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The map terrifies.

      A Bruce Jenner Barbie would be a HUGE hit in the San Francisco Bay area (where Colon used to play football).

      Delete
  7. I doubt there will be a Ken doll because....men! Oh wait, you just said that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They could make a flexible Ken doll, where some of the 31 possible genders have junk and some of the 31 genders don't have junk. Pull off, snap on. Of course you know the kids would loose that piece and you'd step on it coming down the stairs in the dark.

      Delete
  8. That map is damn scary. Can I share it?

    My kids were never fans of Barbie or Ken, but loved GI Joe. I followed him home (just that kinda granny) and found this bit of trivia http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/08/gi-joe-real-wars/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course you can share the map. It's simply a map of Modern America.

      Delete
  9. As Chaplain, I commend the use of the religion of peace Barbie. But I counsel perfection, where's the YOKO?

    You know, the one with Hillary? Otherwise known as OLD CRONE.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Where's unicorn riding Barbie? Not impressed.

    ReplyDelete

It's virtual - it's a mirage - it's life