sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Friday, April 30, 2010

Making a Run for the Border!

Dear President Obama: 

I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. 

We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. Into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements. 

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. 

I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that: 



I'm on my way over! 

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 

1. Free medical care for my entire family. 

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 

3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English. 

4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers. 

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history. 

6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school. 

7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch. 

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services. 

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws. 

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer. 

11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. 

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start. 

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy. 

14. I want to receive free food stamps. 

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies. 

16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government. 

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car. 

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement. 

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the  U.S. From Mexico . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. 

Thank you so much for your kind help. You the man 



(h/t WoFat)

15 comments:

  1. I imagine that the check is in the mail.

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  2. Oh God this is fabulous. You rock.

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  3. I tried really hard to smile. I really did. Nope. The rage is still too great. Tomorrow is May 1st... May Day. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I'm thinking though, probably not.

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  4. I'm not smiling, Rattler.

    I really expect that the Mexicans will do this for me. It's the very least I can ask since we have done SO MUCH FOR THEM.

    The one difference would be that if they did that for me, I'd be grateful. The Title 8's who cross the Border (notice that I did not use the derogatory term "wetbacks") are universally ungrateful.

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  5. I would also like to be able to press "2" for the English speaking option please.

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  6. Make room for my family. We're going too.

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  7. I don't think you are asking for too much although you did forget to ask for Mexico to apologize to you for their government's supposed racism.

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  8. Damn, that hits the nail on the head! I'm sure you'll be hearing from Obama this week.

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  9. Odie- I'm going to the doctor this week. I plan to send a bill to the White House for the co-pay amount, asking for reimbursement.

    I'm sure when I arrive in Mexico that will all be taken care of for me.

    At the moment, doctors actually want to be paid (HAHAHA) in the US, but I know that barack hussein obama has all that worked out for us.

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  10. You nailed it, LL. Instant classic.

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  11. Soloman - all I'm asking for is a few minor considerations from the Mexican government. Call it reciprocation if you'd like.

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