sunset from behind the wire

sunset from behind the wire

Monday, September 12, 2011

Stimulus Two - a modest suggestion

There's a lot of Presidential noise directed toward passing 'Stimulus Two', which is half the size of 'Stimulus One' and is designed to do about half of what Stimulus One accomplished. I know, there are cynics out there who will assert that Stimulus One did nothing and that it's impossible to do half of nothing. All well and good, but for me personally and for my community, there is a way to make Stimulus Two mean something.

My letter to President Obama:

President Obama: Write a tax-free check to me, personally, for one billion dollars. That's only 1/447th of what you want Congress to appropriate, so it's literally chump change from a national perspective. With that money, I promise to stimulate the local economy. 

I live in California. California is a red state. If I get the money, I promise to spend the money inside the red state and boost the local economy. No, I'm not an oligarch at the moment, but the money will allow me to become one and the hope and change that it will bring to the struggling proles in California will be sure to buy a few votes for you in the 2012 election. For a mere billion, I'm sure that I can get quite a few people to vote for you instead of your Republican opponent. Giving me a billion dollars (of money you plan to borrow from China) tax free, will demonstrate your commitment to hope and change on a local level.

To show you that my heart is in the right place, after the check clears, I promise to spend $100,000,000. of the one billion on charities that dole out money to black people. It will leave me a mere 900,000,000 to spend on a really nice yacht, mansion, domestic staff, private jet and other luxury items that will pump the stimulus funds into the economy. Yes, I'm obviously a Democrat.


I think this explains why LOVE is at the heart of my request.

After all, Mr. President. As a narcissist, you know the true definition of love.

8 comments:

  1. Oh you're sounding so cynical ... keep up the good work!

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  2. No Swiss bank account? How is that going to stimulate the economy?

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  3. All you need is a Nigerian name and mailing address to make this sound authentic.

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  4. The begged for Stim 2 is half the size of Stim 1 because we have much less money now.

    You think YOU could make a difference with a billion, in Kalifornia? We could REALLY make a difference in small town Alabama.
    Hey, Bubba! Everybody gets a new pick-up truck!

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  5. Oh damn... THAT is funny... And you just might get it, since you hit all the 'buzzwords' they like :-)

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  6. Old NFO, Obama hasn't called yet, but my heart is filled with rainbows and I see unicorns flying through the clouds.

    Opus #6, I'd be willing to change my name to Oingo Oboingo if Obama was willing to shuck a mere billion my way. What's a billion between friends?

    Trestin, Yes, I'd squirrel some of the money away in Switzerland, but I didn't want to mention THAT plan in the letter of hope and change.

    WoFat, It takes a billion in Kalifornia (the worker's paradise) to really know that you've arrived.

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  7. President Obama: I don't even need a billion. I hearby promise, that with a mere half a billion, thats just 500 million (1/4th of what the Department of Agriculture spends on advertising), I will use the entire sum to stimulate the economy. By the end of this fiscal year (two weeks) it will all be spent...I promise.

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  8. Race - You're a giver. One of those selfless Americans who are willing to give up two weeks of their time simply to stimulate the economy. It shames me because I thought it would take me much longer than that to stimulate things. Then again, I asked for twice as much - therefore twice as much sacrificed time on my part.

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