Evening Twitter Compendium

MQ-9 Reaper

Twitter hash tag #AlQaedaTipsToAvoidDrones

I'll try to summarize here what you should do to avoid being spotted by a US Government drone aircraft. 

1. Anywhere in Benghazi because the official USGOV position is, "What difference does it make?"
2. Hang out with Beyonce and JayZ.
3. Sleep with Sandra Fluke. Nobody has been able to find those guys.
4. Just walk out on the balcony, put up that double barreled shotgun and fire two blasts outside the house.
5. Hide out in an American Consulate, it will be at least 8 hours before anyone shows up...
6. Whistle, vomit, urinate, or scream that you have a yeast infection.
7. Hang around underage Dominican prostitutes.
8. Wear an SEIU hoodie.
9. Position yourself to intimidate people at a voting place wearing a Black Panther uniform.
10. Move in with Obama's illegal alien aunt in Boston.
11. Pretend to be an Obama Czar - there are so many of them that nobody will know whether you are or arn't.
12. Post a sign that says, "Drone Free Zone"
13. Do NOT show up in New York City holding a 16 oz styrofoam cup.
14. Getting a federal "green energy" loan and then declaring bankruptcy makes one completely invisible.
15. Get in a line at DMV. By the time you emerge, drones will be obsolete.
16. Refer to yourself as "middle class". Everyone will claim to be you.
17. Have MSNBC build a show around you. Only 4 people will know where you are.
18. Hide out in the church that Obama attends - nobody knows where it is.
19. Hide out in Rev. Sharpton's church (same as #18)
20. Dress up in a Wookie costume.

Twitter hash tag #ThingsyouwillneverhearObamaSay

You will never overhear President Obama saying any of these things.

1. "I take full responsibility for... [insert anything here]."
2. I think we are stealing from our children & future generations. The frivolous spending has to stop!"
3. Like JFK, I will be giving my salary back to the Treasury.
4. "Wherever the real power in a Government lies, there is the danger of oppression." -- James Madison
5. I can't take credit for this nation's successes bc it's not mine to take.
6. Dump my coverage. I'm signing up for ObamaCare.
7. I know who Larry Sinclair is.
8. Jerusalem is the capital of Israel.
9. I won't take another vacation until unemployment drops to below 6%.
10. Cancel my tee time, I have to work.
11. There are enough people on food stamps.
12. I was stoned when I nominated Hagel.
13. Giving away F-16's to our enemies is a bad idea.
14. Harry, get a budget to the floor!
15. Black folks need to get off welfare and get a job.
16. I want to be interviewed by Glenn Beck.
17. I insist on travelling on the SAME jet as Michelle from now on when we vacation together!
18. I'm going to put the bust of Winston Churchill back in the Oval Office.
19. You have a right to keep as much of your hard earned money as possible.
20. I appreciate the Secret Service for keeping me safe.